Anger 

Anger, contempt, and resentment 

A raging tempest dwelling in my heart

Bewildered and abandoned

Tear-stained eyes look longingly

Begging the universe 

Why

The pain lingers

Harboring a twisted Love 

Darkened. Toxic. Addictive. 

I crave you 

And your poisonous love 

That dulled all the other pain 

Livid at your absence 

Irritated by your irresponsibility 

Consumed with grief 

Emotional eddies take me down dark currents 

I am in love

And I am angry 

Partner

I saw your memory so clearly 

Sleeping in my bed, waiting for me

I remembered the smile of excitement 

To sleep next to me

I remember unfulfilled promises

To always support me

Amidst all the hurts and fears 

I only remember how you lifted me up

And how I dragged you down

We pushed each other away

Like the same sides of a magnet 

When will the fever dreams end 

The mid-night waking in tears 

Looking for your embrace 

Of all the regrets

Hurting you is the greatest 

For it as sealed me away 

Unable to see you, hold you

You were my partner in everything 

I relied too heavily on your emotional strength 

You didn’t have the words to tell me

So I clung, static to your being 

In self inflicted agony

I am without you,

My soulmate 

My partner

Heartbeat 

And this heart

Tough with scars 

Broken beyond repair 

Still beats, finding new rhythms 

Instead of trying to go backwards 

To what was 

It learns from each new instrumentalist 

Ways to love more fully 

Of others 

And itself 

For their years of ache 

It has never beat 

Quite so loud 

Or so strong 

As it did

For you

Inner demons

There is a demon dwelling in my soul
No matter the rituals I perform
It resists exorcism

So woven into my being
I can feel it crawl under my skin
Radiating heat like sunburn

It goes by many names
Anxiety, depression, bipolar, PTSD
Its powers vast, and unfathomable

Sometimes, it is quiet
The gentle rumbles of snoring
Echoed in my nervous glances

Awake, a flushed face
Concern people I don’t know
Are judging me

Enraged, a ferocious beast
Barely tamable
Wreaks havoc on me and mine

It has brought ruin to relationships
It has ended employment
It struggles to end my life

And so I breathe, knowing demon lives within
I turn to it, hand extended
This may be the only way

To walk as friends

Forgiveness

Can that which is unforgivable,
Be forgiven?

You can change the course of a river, to and fro
But it’ll be forever changed

Can you forgive yourself
For the transgressions of anger

Can you be forgiven
By the transgressed?

No matter how you plea
Desperation provides no answers

The path of redemption
Is lead by your own hand

To live a better life
As a better you

Is homage to those
Whom you’ve hurt

In time, you may be granted the gift
But shell is still cracked

Feast not on hope
You’ll die starving

Missing you

It’s midnight

And your arms should be around me

Face nestled into my back

Gently breathing, punctuated

By your tender mid-sleep kisses 

To toss and reverse

My arms grasping you tightly 

The warmth of your back

On my bare chest 

Until we overheat 

And sleep holding hands 

To wake again to gentle kisses 

And excited eyes

Good morning babes, I love you 

Your excited text messages 

When we slept apart 

Our FaceTime dates 

To stay close 

Oh fondly I remember 

All that made us magical

Lost to me now

In a nightmare 

Of my own device

It’s midnight 

And I miss you