Sinking 

My chest collapse under 

The absence of your weight 

Especially where you’d rest your head 

My leaden, leathery heart struggles to beat

My dreams fill the space between my arms

With fantasies of you 

While I ever plummet downwards 

You always were a force of challenge 

My ability to love, to heal, to accept 

Sometimes you dragged me down 

Your anchor

But I am a strong swimmer 

I kept you afloat 

And while you merrily wander the currents 

I’m still sinking 

Looking for the shore 

I once swam to 

The water is cold 

The waves are violent 

I can’t float 

The gravity of it all

Drags me into the depths 

The shore grows further 

The light grows dimmer 

I look for the beacon of my buoy 

Möbius

The stress of living :: undead depression :: cortisol saturated heart :: between fight and flight :: stuck on the inside of a Möbius strip :: the grim reaper hugs me in pity :: I cannot step outside this moment :: if this is where I start it is also where I end :: I push my boundaries to free myself :: this coffin box I’ve built around myself :: I hope in hope

Reflections 

Staring into my soul :: the ghost of the crime haunts me :: your love still possesses me :: exhuming a long-dead heart for compassion :: forgiveness alludes me :: hiding in front of my eyes :: outstretched arms :: closed fists :: the comfort of despair :: the challenge of hope :: new days are not built on broken pasts :: my inner mirror is clouded with the projections of others :: have I looked at myself today?

Human demon

And the night beckons :: dreams wait in ambush :: the twilight of the gods :: what demons lurk in the souls of the good and just :: I fear what my mind will reveal :: secrets bleed like tears :: running down stained cheeks longing for redemption :: Morpheus cannot provide respite in slumber :: to err is human :: I am the most human 

Human demon

And the night beckons :: dreams wait in ambush :: the twilight of the gods :: what demons lurk in the souls of the good and just :: secrets bleed like tears :: running down stained cheeks longing for redemption :: Morpheus cannot provide respite in slumber :: to err is human :: I am the most human 

Luis

And then he danced

Unsteadily 

Back on the ground 

Legs swirling through the air 

The unsupported and supported 

That moment in reverie 

I knew 

For the first time in all my longing 

What falling in love felt like 

And our escapade began 

A quick tempo 

A salsa 

A tango 

A heartbeat 

A heartbreak 

We moved through space and time

In grace and drama 

The passion set fire to the air 

We danced in each other’s arms 

Stepped on each other’s feet 

And we loved 

Lustfully, genuinely, savagely 

Conditionally and attached 

The space between growing ever tighter 

Losing boundaries and blending 

As rose petals fell

The song was coming to an end 

While I begged for an encore 

My love, he danced on

Moved to a far grander stage 

Leaving me

Unsteady 

Mad, in love 

Forgiveness 

I look into my soul

The cracks gaping

Years of damage corroding 

growing over

Wrapped like tree bark

Trying to heal itself 

The wear of time apparent 

Of what transpired 

What is yet to grow

As if all my universe is laid bare

The swirling blackness 

Within the cracks 

Illuminated by the light 

Breaking free from the horizon 

I know 

I see

I see and I know 

What is happening

Growth and rebirth

Cauterized wounds 

And still lacking the reagent 

That would see this broken soul shine

Inward, outward 

I grab at the ambiguous 

Intangible 

Forgiveness 
Of the unforgettable 

The monstrous 

Of myself