withdrawal

You burned through me
Like a line of white lightning
Caught in your snowstorm

Volatile, explosive
Affectionate, compassionate
Temporary highs

I loved you with the might of my soul
And for a time, you loved me the best you could
But I didn’t elevate you enough

My preoccupied, anxious mind
Your stories, the trust you broke
You wanted to get over something I needed you to heal

Sometimes I felt lonely next to you
Sometimes I knew I was your world
The excitement in your eyes

The tears in mine
Because I asked you not to yell
Upset, and me a punching bag

I broke your heart
No doubt
And caused you pause

I tried every day
To make you fall in love with me
There was one week we were truly in love

I craved the intimacy of sex
Jealous of your history
Resentment grew

I kept you from your cravings
For a time, you didn’t mind
Until I became an emotional burden

The fights we had
The tenderness in the way
You held my hand

Gone now, undone, forgotten
By my brutality
The bottled rage of so many fights

I was so in love with you
We were mismatched, you knew
I fought and fought, and lost

Now I journey
To forgive you
To forgive myself

In the moments of love
When you held me
It was my euphoria

I have the cravings
Of your good mornings, your good nights
The happiness you once had sleeping next to me

 

I knew, in the end
I was on borrowed time
But I still deserved better than what you did

And you didn’t deserve
The pain I exacted
On both of us

In your new high
I hope there’s still room
For happy memories of us

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